So Valentines Day is towards the end of this week and a lot of significant others are scrambling to get gifts lined up, flowers delivered, dinner reservations and panty grams arranged. (I’m not even kidding look it up) For some couples this is just another day of the deep love, passion, commitment, and excitement their romantic relationship brings them on a weekly basis; for others this is the ONLY, that’s right, ONLY day that they have all year that has any deep passion, love, commitment, and excitement. Hell, some couples only will experience one of those emotions named in the last sentence, even more experience them with little emotional intensity at all. So why do some couples experience more of these feelings consistently year round, while others only scarcely experience them and with not as much intensity?
Well, there are a few reasons…
Successful couples recognize how much their relationships are entwined with their own individual daily happiness. With this emotional awareness they are more focused on their partner’s needs.
They recognize how they are solely responsible for creating their happiness WITH their partner, not FOR their partner. These couples capitalize on creating WIN-WIN situations for each other, and never settle in creating great experiences with their partner.
They show love, the way their partners FEEL loved, not how they themselves would feel love. Valentines day is a prime example of this because you’re getting gifts and setting up occasions that you know will make them feel special, excited, and surprised.
They are focused on the experiences they want from their partner, rather than what they do not want from their partner. As human beings we are designed to avoid pain first, seek pleasure second. All to often we are so caught up on avoiding pain that we never identify how to experience pleasure and hope it just happens as a byproduct of avoiding pain.
They create meanings from their negative interactions with their spouse that promote a closer and deeper understanding of their spouses needs, than taking their remarks or behavior personally. This takes time to develop, but once mastered allows each partner to become less reactive to their partners bad moods, and allows their partner the opportunity to support them in area’s they feel vulnerable. This builds trust and opportunities for further emotional depth with one another.
They love wholeheartedly knowing that love is a gift that is both given and received at the same time.
If you’re someone who waits for the marketing industry to get you to wake up to creating happiness in your relationship, you’re going to have a hard time feeling this passion, energy, and deep emotional connection with the person you love. This is because you believe that your sense of passion comes from external forces like the date on the calendar. You don’t need a silly date to create passion. Passion comes from within, lets start by looking there.
If you really want to create these emotions here are some strategies to get you taking action and creating this intense romance before February 14th and start creating it RIGHT NOW!
Start by getting out a pad and pen and answer these questions with brutal honesty. Lying is only hurting your situation more.
What small ways could I show my partner I am passionate about showing love to them weekly that would also make me feel excited to take action?
What external circumstances or forces must be present in order for me to currently show passion and love to my partner? How often do these circumstance or forces stop me? (Daily, weekly, monthly, yearly?)
Are these circumstances or forces more emotionally important than showing my partner passion and love? If so, go into depth about why? (This is the most important question) More than likely these circumstances or forces are perceived as keeping us safe, when they are not.
Emotionally what are you fearful of with your partner that you have a difficult time expressing or telling them? How would telling them enhance your relationship at an even deeper understanding of one another? Dare: Go and tell them this right now. Literally RIGHT NOW! Better in person, than over the telephone. NO TEXTING IT!
Remember to love always, often, and that your time to show it is right now.
Matt